Chivalry is alive and well in Divine, Texas

Ethan Grant's Slice of Life from the Dancing Pony

The Dancing Pony pickup line of the week is….


Chivalry is alive and well in Divine, Texas. At least Saturday night it was.

A group of young ladies were in the nightclub celebrating. I wasn’t sure what the story was until later but it seemed to revolve around the dark-haired lady of the bunch. She was about five foot two inches, very pretty, and given her alcohol intake, obviously wanted to forget somebody or something that evening.

The ladies were having a good time, being a little loud

and drinking margaritas by the pitcher, when a couple of ranch hands came in from one of our neighboring ranches. They sat down at the bar, immediately noticed our party of ladies, and asked the bartender what was up with the boisterous group.

The bartender served their beers and said, “They’re celebrating a breakup the dark-haired gal had recently. I guess the relationship wasn’t a good one and now that it’s over they’re throwing her a party. One of her friends told me

She’s no longer looking for Mr. Right, just for Mr. Right Now.”

One of the ranch hands laughed and said, “Well, they came to the right place.”

The taller of the two ranchers said, “I think I know the dark-haired lady. That’s Jenna. And yeah, her ex was a nightmare. Real asshole. He got sent back to jail for violating his parole or something. She’s better off without him.”

His friend said, “Hey, didn’t you two go out a couple of times after high school?”

The taller hand nodded. “Yeah. I really liked her but she was always looking for the BBD.”

“The what?”

“You know. The Bigger Better Deal.”

His friend replied, “Oh, never satisfied, huh? Well maybe she’s gotten over that. You should go talk to her. Maybe she’ll appreciate a decent guy like you since her last relationship ended so badly.”

The taller one answered, “I don’t know. The bartender said she wasn’t looking for a relationship, just a good time.”

His friend gestured toward the dance floor.

“Well, then go show her a good time.”

Just then, a drunk walked up to Jenna, got right in her face, and spoke loudly enough that we could all hear him over at the bar. “Hey, babe. I can show you the best time you ever had.” As he said it he grabbed her roughly around her waist and pulled her to him. She was pretty drunk, too, at this point, but not enough to respond by throwing her drink in his face, for which I was grateful.

Why can’t people just slap each other? It doesn’t make a big mess.

Anyway…she made it clear that she was not interested in him at all as she tried vainly to get free from his grasp. Her friends started fussing at the drunk and it was obvious he was unwelcome in their midst.

I gave the signal to our bouncers but the tall ranch hand got there first. “Hey, pal, if you weren’t so damned drunk, you’d realize the lady isn’t interested. Back off.”

The drunk let go of her so fast that she nearly fell, rounded on him and yelled, “Oh yeah? Who the fuck are you, her body guard? Get lost, shit kicker.”

The drunk took a swing at our hero, who dodged it easily

since the guy was so inebriated, and he fell and hit his head on a chair and gave himself a bloody nose. One of the bouncers jumped in and threw the guy out while the ladies applauded.

Meanwhile, our hero tipped his hat to the ladies and said, “I hope you’re okay, Jenna.” Then he returned to the bar and sat back down. The ladies were all standing there kind of awe struck.

A few seconds later, Jenna walked over to the bar in tears and said, “That was really nice of you. I’ve never had a guy stand up for me like that before—at least not one that didn’t have an ulterior motive.”

“Maybe I’m old school, but you should be treated like a lady, no matter where you are.

That’s the way it ought to be, anyway. I don’t know if you remember me or not but we dated a couple of times after high school.”

Jenna turned pale and seemed to sober up very quickly at hearing this and said, “Oh my god. Will, I am so drunk I didn’t recognize you.” She gave him a long look and then started crying.

Will patted his pockets like he was looking for his handkerchief and then pulled a tissue from the Puffs box I offered.

(Hey, don’t judge. Puffs are soft, and I keep a box of them under the bar for just such an ‘emergency.’)

“I didn’t mean to make you cry. I was just trying to make you feel better.”

Jenna took the tissue with a smile and then burst into fresh tears. “No, it’s not you. Well, it is you, but you know what I mean.”

Looking confused, Will said, “Uh, no. I—”

Wiping away her tears, Jenna said, “I just had this sudden flash about what my life would’ve been like for the last ten years if I’d…Well, anyway, I’m sorry to be like this. Thank you for helping me back there.” Seeming a little embarrassed, she turned as if to walk away.

Just then, Will’s friend rose from his chair and offered it to her.

“Seems to me like y’all got some catchin’ up to do, so I’m gonna say good-night. See ya tomorrow, Will.”

At Will’s nod, she took the chair and they talked for a few minutes while I brewed a fresh pot of coffee for her. Jenna chuckled and said, “My friends seem to be having a great time. They probably haven’t even noticed that I’m over here. I think they’d understand if I left. Would you mind driving me home?”

Will said, “Sure, but only to make sure you get home safe. Maybe you’ll let me take you out sometime?”

Jenna laughed and then hiccupped. “You mean sometime when I’m not so drunk. You really are a great guy, you know that? I’d love to go out with you.”

They left together and I heard later that Will did exactly what he said he’d do. He made sure she got home safe, and left. I’m thinking we’ll see them together in here on a date very soon.

By the way it was about an hour before the other ladies noticed that the reason for the party had left.

Our margaritas are really good.


  1. I hadn’t realized how much I missed the Pickup line until you started publishing them again! This is a great one! Thanks so much & have a great weekend!

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