The Dancing Pony pickup line of the week is….
When I told Gracie about the subjects of the pickup line this time around, she suggested that I tell y’all to imagine Chance or Clayton Carlisle as you read this one. She said something about “sexy silver” ranchers gets y’all’s attention. Anyway…
There’s no doubt that sometimes the weirdest things attract people together.
One of our local ranchers came in with his ranch foreman and sat at the bar. He asked the bartender for the worst beer we had, something that just doesn’t sell at all. That’s an unusual request but not from this gentleman.
The bartender gave him a beer that we seldom ever sell. It’s not popular and even if you’re a beer drinker you’d probably agree that this one sucks. We only keep it in stock for one particular person who rarely comes in but he’s a good friend so we keep a couple on hand for him.
Anyway, this rancher picked up the bottle of bad beer and guzzled the entire thing in one gulp. Then he said,
“Okay, bartender, now give me your best.”
The bartender gave him a premium beer and he sipped it slowly. While he talked with his foreman, he pulled out a pack of Apple Jack chewing tobacco and stuffed some in his jaw.
While they were talking, a lady who had been sitting at the other end of the bar got up and walked over to the rancher. When he turned to her and smiled, she said, “Sir, can I ask you a question?”
The rancher smiled at her. “Yes ma’am. What would you like to know?”
“Is that Apple Jack chewing tobacco I smell?” she asked.
He nodded. “Yes ma’am it is.”
She smiled and said, “My granddad used to chew Apple Jack and the smell always reminds me of him. He was a sweet man and I miss him a lot.” Seeming touched, the rancher asked the lady if he could buy her a drink and she said, “That would be nice. Thank you.”
Sitting down next to the rancher and his foreman, she said, “I’m curious about something else. Why did you order the worst beer they have and then chug it down like that?”
“My dad taught me to never waste anything, not even a bad beer.”
With a grin, she said, “Yeah, but why buy something you already know you don’t like.”
He grabbed the empty bottle that had contained the bad beer, spit in it, and then smiled at her.
“So I don’t get ‘em mixed up.”
She had a full body shudder and all three of them laughed out loud. “Oh, Lord. Yeah, that’d be bad. I’m curious, did you start chewing tobacco as an alternative to smoking?”
He shook his head. “No, I started ‘cause of my ex-wife.”
She raised an eyebrow and asked, “Did she like it or something?”
“She hated it. But you know the old sayin’, ‘never slap a man who’s chewin’ tobacco.’
I needed all the help I could get with that cantankerous woman. No offense, ma’am.”
She laughed and said, “None taken. So you argued a lot, huh?”
The rancher said, “There are two theories in Texas about how to win an argument with a woman and neither one of them work.”
She laughed again and said, “Well, you seem pretty good-natured and easygoing to me.”
The foreman nudged his boss with his elbow, and motioned with his head to the dance floor. Looking encouraged, the rancher said, “Pretty lady, would you do me the honor of dancing with me? That is if you don’t mind bein’ seen with an old coot like me.”
She blushed and said, “You don’t look that much older than me. Besides, I’m not one to care about what people think anyway.
Come on, cowboy, let’s cut a rug.”
They danced several times that night and the rancher slipped his foreman his keys and told him he’d see him in the morning. When they left that night, they looked pretty wrapped up in each other.
My sweet matchmaker, Gracie, thinks this woman may be the next “Rancher’s Lady.” The scent of Apple Jack chewing tobacco is probably the last thing I would’ve expected to attract a lady but when love is the result, you can’t really argue with it.
©Heather Rainier 2017
Author’s Note: This pickup line was originally posted on Facebook in 2014. I’m considering re-publishing these short stories every so often on my blog, so they’re easier for readers to access, especially readers who are new to the series. I hope you enjoyed it. Love, Heather