The Latest Dancing Pony pickup line…
I call this one the alternate universe line, mostly because
I’ve rarely seen this pickup maneuver performed successfully, and it’s even rarer to see a woman employing it.
A couple of cowboys came into the Dancing Pony and sat at the bar during happy hour. The younger of the two seemed depressed and hell-bent on getting drunk. Whenever someone orders a boiler-maker (a draft beer with a shot of whiskey dropped into it) for their first drink, that’s usually a bad sign.
As the evening progressed,
the older cowboy didn’t seem to have much luck drawing him out of his depression. According to the bartender serving them, the young cowboy had just discovered that his parents, who he loved and admired very much, were getting divorced. He thought, as many of us do when we’re young, that his parents were the perfect couple. To find out they were human, with flaws of their own that they were unable to reconcile, had shaken his whole belief system. He was down on relationships in general, confused, and his older friend was doing his best to ease his mind.
Halfway through his boilermaker and unwilling to be cheered up, the young cowboy said,
“Man, what’s the point of falling in love if it doesn’t last?
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to settle down with someone now. I mean, if MY parents split up then there’s just no hope. Maybe I’ll join a monastery and be a monk.”
With a chuckle, the friend replied, “Yeah, right.
You wouldn’t last a week without beer and ESPN.
Just because your parent’s marriage failed doesn’t doom you to the same fate.”
Just then, a young woman who was sitting at a nearby table with a couple of friends, and had apparently overheard the conversation, walked over to the cowboy and smiled.
“Why don’t you put off that vow of purity for just a little while and dance with me, cowboy.”
The cowboy glanced at her and shook his head. “Thanks, pretty lady. No offense, but I’m just not in the mood to dance tonight.”
She just smiled and walked back to her seat. Looking like he wanted to slap the back of the young man’s head, the friend said, “What the hell is wrong with you? A pretty woman just asked you to dance. How many times does that happen to guys like us? And besides that,
It’s not the cowboy way to reject a lady like that.”
The young cowboy shrugged. “I just don’t want to deal with any relationship right now.”
His friend raised his eyes to the ceiling like he was praying for patience.
“She didn’t propose, dumbass. She just wanted to dance.”
A few songs later, the brave lady returned, laid a note on the bar in front of the young cowboy. As she went back to her seat, both cowboys read the note. “Changing one’s focus helps overcome depression, and
I have several focal points that might help.”
The young one leaned over to his friend and whispered, “You see? She probably tries this on every cowboy who comes in here.”
His friend’s eyes widened and then he DID slap the young cowboy on the back of the head, knocking his cowboy hat slightly askew. “Dumbass, you’ve been so busy feeling sorry for yourself that you haven’t noticed
She’s been asked to dance by half the cowboys in here and turned them all down.
I have no idea why, but she likes you and you seem intent on hurting her feelings. That ain’t like you. You’re supposed to be a big, strong cowboy aren’t you? I don’t think one dance will kill you. What’s the worst that could happen?”
Looking even more depressed, possibly for realizing he might’ve hurt the young woman’s feelings, the young cowboy just shook his head and ordered another boilermaker.
After a few minutes, the tenacious lady came back and laid her hand on his as he was about to lift the draft mug to his lips. Quietly, she said, “I can see you’re hurting. But I’m a glass-half-full kind of girl and I choose to focus on the positive.
One dance, and then I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you need.”
She squeezed his hand and then released it and walked away.
The cowboy’s friend said, “I’m gonna beat you like a stray dog if you don’t dance with her right now, dude.”
The young cowboy half-smiled and glanced over at where she stood near her table, chatting with her friends. “She is pretty persistent, isn’t she? I guess one dance couldn’t hurt.”
He walked over to her and waited until she looked up at him. He took off his cowboy hat and lowered his head as if in defeat. “I apologize for my attitude, ma’am. I’m in a bad way right now but I shouldn’t have rejected your offer. I think you’re beautiful, and I’d like to take you up on that offer to dan—”
He hadn’t even finished what he was saying before she took his hand
and led him to the dance floor as a slow, romantic song, Brad Paisley’s “Perfect Storm,” began to play. He still seemed a little uncertain but she smiled as she murmured something to him and then slid her arm up his back as she placed her hand in his. It was obvious the moment he gave in because he grinned and kissed the top of her head.
I didn’t hear any of the conversation from that point forward but they didn’t leave the dance floor for at least 5 songs.
To the bartender, the young cowboy’s friend said, “Thought I was gonna have to hurt him tonight. ‘Cause man, if her “focal points” don’t do it for him, he needs to see a doctor.”
His assessment was a little crass, and thankfully out of her hearing, but I had to agree with him. She was beautiful and that young cowboy was lucky that she persisted.
They spent the rest of the evening together and the young cowboy’s friend left him without a ride, probably on purpose,
But I don’t think he suffered much from it.
©Heather Rainier 2018